I really wish I had read the Song of Solomon some time before my eighteenth birthday. I think if I had read this book then, I would have saved myself a decade of hopeless decay. Rather, here I sit, twenty eight, my soul mending from another war with mistaken love. I have written too much about this most recent love, and before that spoken too much about the loves, enemies rather, which had come before. At the end of each battle my heart appeared stronger; perhaps more prepared to outlast another. Today I wonder, had I read the book of Songs, would I have preserved my heart for the one, would I have waited and remained woundless?
Although the scar of physical virginity lies in the shallow crevices of our soul, the deeper wound of spiritual purity demands a greater healing when it is inflicted. The decay I speak of is perpetrated by my own hand. My own unraveling as a result of mental, spiritual, physical weakness, laziness, forfeiting the pure, unstained beauty of a chaste heart for one dripping with guilt and pain from awaking love that was simply not ready. A healing is no doubt necessary when we awaken this love. I imagine this is why three times we are implored to wait. Preserving our physical and spiritual covenant with the Father so that when love is ready, so too are we.
Having fought the temptation of human sexuality, I admit the words contained in this book inspire me. Empower me. Reignite the desire in my heart to be chaste and pure for the love the Lord has prepared for me. If only to be worthy of the phrase, “Who is this that looks forth like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army with banners!” (Song 6:10) For it is with an army and banners that we are tested to stand steadfast. The Lord does not expect us to withstand temptation alone. He does not call us to resist the temptation of unready love without first fixing our souls with His protection. If only we turn to the Lord, remain within the walls of His fortress until He awakens the love for us.
Fortunately for me, His fortress of protection allows us to reenter without price. He benevolently opens His arms for our return when we recognize that the battlefield of love is far too dangerous for us to wage alone. It is here, within these walls that we find healing. That our souls are made clean, the guilt washed away. When we return and receive His outpouring of love, we are made strong and thus prepared to wait for love to awaken, when it is ready.
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